I have been very silent the past few days. I don’t really want to do much, except for sit out in the beautiful sunshine and enjoy the sound of the birds, or stay at home and straighten up the house. I feel like a slacker. Actually, I feel pulled in 10 directions, and when this happens I usually retreat to my shell, which is a haven for introspection.
Sometimes I have genius ideas that never escape because I forget them on my way to the pen & paper. Sometimes I talk myself out of genius ideas altogether. Sometimes I just don’t think at all and enjoy the silence inside my head.
Today it hit me; our lives are going to become increasingly hectic as Tiegan gets older. I knew this already, but I really started to grasp it today. Right now, she’s just going along with everything we do. I pick her up when I’m done at the studio, and she accompanies me to the store when I need to go. Soon, we’ll start doing things when SHE needs them done, and my time will no longer be my own. She’ll start going to school, and we’ll have to think about who will drop her off and pick her up. We’ll attend parent-teacher conferences, open houses and performances. We’ll host birthday parties and play dates. Until she can drive, we’ll be her personal chauffeurs. I suppose my time was no longer my own the day I gave birth. I was never really one to live around schedules, but I guess I’ll have to learn now that I’m a parent.
Maybe I’m just getting a tad sentimental. Yesterday Tiegan said, “I will be so glad to have another birthday, Mommy.” I told her that she will be three years old on her next birthday. One, two, three. One is gone, and two is going fast.
I better get out of this stuffy studio – it feels like the walls are caving in on me.
